Fun-Sized

I am at an all-time ridiculousness with this word. I'm blasting fun this week. All I want to do is be and have fun.
It doesn't always make for the most productive times, but it's nice. It's light. It's freeing.

Last week I stepped back into the world of dating. (You know I have to be in fun-seeking mode to go there).  Both boys I've opened that door to are, you guessed it, FUN.
I'm not even going to lie... I'm excited to see if any of it goes anywhere.

It's weeks like these that I think I could conquer the world with my dynamic ideas and uncontrollable excitement. Here's the kicker...

I am making a new effort- To channel the ideas, excitement and fun-seeking in a new direction. I'm going to aim it ALL in ONE direction... time to make myself fun-sized. We'll see where that takes me. I'll keep you posted.

Who, ME?

It took me forever to pick a photo for today's post. Then I ended up picking two. I guess I have many thoughts revolving in my head and am figuring multiple things out at this point. First, I am coming to realize that I have neglected myself... and that it is a travesty. Another way to say it is I have pedestal'd my roles in life an left out the self-love role. I've been an over the top mom, fueled by community outreach/helping others, seeking out a career that means something with reckless abandon.
I've missed something though... Me. I've missed allowing myself time and energy for the things I love. I've missed nurturing/filling my soul and it eventually ran dry. You can't water someone else when you are empty yourself.
So, I sit here, and I still am not completely sure what that even looks like... to fill oneself.

I know it means accepting what I cannot change and changing what I cannot accept.

I know it means more time for creativity whether it be blogging, scrapbooking, art shows, photography, whatever.

I know it means finding my way back physically- To feeling femininity and beauty, strength and sexiness.

I know that making time for these things means taking time away from other things... figuring out how to use this time in the most efficient manner possible.

So, that's a start. As I sit here typing, I am given another chance to help a homeless family. Another chance to practice healthy boundaries (because I just want to rush out and sweep up all 4 kids but won't). Another reminder that it is HARD for me to focus on "doing me".  HARD for me to not want to give every moment to doing something to lift someone else up out of the disparity that is intertwined and laced into this life.

Clearly this is not an "I've figured it out!" post. It's a processing post. A paradigm shift in the making, but one that I literally fight while I try to make it.

My heart breaks continuously for the things that break the heart of God. That is the ultimate truth of me.
 How I manage to balance this with healthy filling of myself, is what I have to get a grasp on.