Bitterness Becomes Her... Almost

I'm SO thankful for my Tues. night life group. Every week I seem to learn something that really takes me closer to where I needed to be/get a new spin on my 'reality'.

I think a lot of it has to do with the amazingness that is John Eldredge. We have been going through his book/DVD series called Epic and really it just takes Christianity back to the basics... away from all the religion-y stuff and talks about living from your heart and reacting to the desires God places in your heart. The "Epic" of who we are meant to be and our role in the story. Point being- One thing it really made me look at is how MY actions affect others' state of heart. I think my heart is so strong and power forward proud of what resiliency I have, BUT

in actuality, I've come to realize that my heart is tender. I have been blessed with empathy in a way a lot of others aren't and as a result my heart isn't as unbreakable as I thought I wanted it to be. My heart hurts when others hurt. My heart aches when I can't reach others or when they close me out. As a result, I am quick to become embittered and I'm not even really realizing it. B/c I "rage just like a river" (and yes, then often beg for forgiveness) by not being aware of the true state of MY heart, I react to things that hurt me without EVER wanting to look/seem/admit to being hurt and in the process I know that I have to be hurting others whose hearts are also tender but have built up and equally as tough outlook/facade.

Not saying I don't value the strength I believe I have as a person, parent or woman, because I do. I'm just saying I am much more aware of my actions AS A RESULT OF being aware of the state of my heart.

So often the daily verse I get sent to my email seems to speak to me where I'm at in life and this one was no different.

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
~Hebrews 10:24

I want to be the encourager, the one that lifts up, not tears down. Even when I feel someone has torn me in half... which is the hardest part... to love those that hurt you.

The song lyrics, "I yearn for more of a heart like yours..." have spiraled through my head continuously lately.

That really is what I long to be: selfless and encouraging. What I am learning, is that the first step is humility.

And lastly, real quick, one more thing that inspired me recently:

You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.
~Psalm 73:24

Go on Daniel...

... "take a bow."

It sucks when someone proves themselves to be something you really believed they weren't.
At least it didn't take too long for me to see the truth.

"How about a round of applause, standing ovation...
You look so dumb right now.
You put on quite a show, really had me going. Now it's time to go, curtains finally closing...
Very entertaining, but it's over now."


Lyrics courtesy of Rihanna :)

Soccer Mom, Writer, Church Group Host, Advisor, Adventurer... These are just a few of my titles

Wow. What a whirlwind my life has become. I have one free night a week these days, that's right, to do WHATEVER I want. It is here... that beloved eve, and I have no clue what to do. That's a lie. I have five billion things to do but none of them seem to be what I WANT to do. :)

This weekend K will be with Shad and again, I'll be gone from Fri evening to Sunday on new adventures and I'm SO excited, yet, there's this TINY part of me that would like to sit on my couch, cuddle with a someone special and watch TV... for literally 48 hours. Haha. As soon as I did, of course, I'd be going crazy wanting to embark on fun times like I really will be doing.

Sat. night I am being set up on a blind date out of town. Kind of. I know we're being set up... he doesn't. Makes it so much more 'comfortable' that way. At least that's what they tell me. LOL! It should be fun and he's not 1. from cheyenne 2. from cheyenne or 3. doesn't live in cheyenne. Haha.

I titled this blog the way I did b/c I think it's funny how we find solace and contentment in our "titles". What I really wonder is what titles each person I love and care about truly wants versus what the world gives them. Our public titles seem so meaningless to me. Our inner titles- the ones we'd create for ourselves, that truly define what we are, what we cherish, how we see the world and who we want to become- are worth more than can be defined in this blog. I'm so thankful to be blessed with so many amazing people in my life... and to know their "inner titles". It is only when we strip away those layers, that I think we truly understand someone and can therefore be grateful for them and unconditionally love them regardless of what happens...

I'm sure I won't have time to blog til' next week, so I'm on to making more memories, strengthening important relationships and loving the essence of this crazy life I'm living! Til next time...

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling

of

letting go and holding on."

~Havelock Ellis

Life is at my Feet

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you're standing on top of the world... casting your shadow upon it? Like there's SO much out there calling you that you don't even know where to start?

It's one of those days for me. I seem to be inspired by each little thing that happens. "Oh! I want to get published in this online journal," or "Wow! I can't wait to experience that!"

Overall, I have been feeling pretty down lately and I don't know where the change came from today, but I am appreciating the uplift of it all...

Today, it excites me to look ahead. To form new ideas/plans of how I will share new experiences with K. I think a lot of the "down" revolved around feeling like I lost someone that I wanted to share so much with.

However, my focus seems to again be becoming vivacious and uncontainable. :)

There's so much to be said for gratitude... I'm SO grateful for the beautiful baby K and I don't want even a moment to be wasted with her by me living in the land of "if only". SO much easier said than done, but I am focused on making each day a new adventure for us, and although the desire to also share life - and all the excitement it entails- with a mate isn't subsided, I just won't allow that desire - or the lack of that person- to be a focus.

I can and will be excited about eventually adding a lucky, lucky person (haha) to the lively life K and I create, no doubt.

But for now, we are enough and the world offers TOO much to sit still or sleep early.

So...

Off I go to embrace all kinds of new endeavors for us.

Stop Loss Love

Need I say more?

Yes I do.

Poor Michelle had to suffer through this one with me. Thank goodness there were only about five other people in the theater.
I was the bawler.

This movie had it all... friend-of-all-friendships theme, love theme, war/military theme, family themes, etc. etc.

Truly and seriously though, it wasn't like I could even watch it and be like, "Wow. Hottie Channing in uniform." ... it was too real and in my face in many many ways. I felt like I totally related to Abbie Cornish in alot of ways and a couple of the guys in the movie really reminded me of friendships/relationships from my past.

It was a killer... in some sort of good way.

Definitely made me even more anti-war in my individual overly-pro-troops kind of way. Then again, maybe it all is necessary. It just sucks to see the great guys (and girls) of our generations getting so messed up by the things they have to do/see for our benefit. Especially if they have already served and are stop lossed. Like Double T... found out he was stop lossed and going back for a year just recently.

Anyways, thank you to all of you who are serving our country... your valued more than words could express.