Dear life,

You threw me a ginormous curveball. One that left me with a bruised & knotted head and a jacked up shoulder.
And a furiousness that is being fanned out in a few ways... dependent upon the moment.

Here's how the furious fans out in the calm, good moments:
It's a clear answer to a consistent and confused prayer I've prayed numerous times over the last few years.
How?
1. It could have been way worse. It was just bad enough that there is no way I'd ever go back.
2. It was random enough that i can't take part of the blame even if i wanted to.
3. K wasn't there/didn't have to see it
4. It's the only way he would have to go away and STAY away.
5. It gave me an experience like I've NEVER before experienced. Truthfully, an experience that will be helpful in my line of work/being a DV advocate.  I've now felt all the horrid emotions that are integrated into abusive relationships and situations.
Empathy. Testimony. Compassion.

In the not so good moments:
It looks much like the above song lyrics. Sawed-off shotgun anyone?
Or... can I just f*** up his only object of self-reliance and self-confidence?... His face!

Today- for the first time since it happened- I am leaning heavily on the "not so" side.
I know it's a scale and as almost always in my mind, when I find my center again... the good will win out.

Until then-
Thanks for reminding me what this little girl's made of...